hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize