I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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