that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
