I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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