I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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