Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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