I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Pooping to opera.
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