I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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