drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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