I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize