She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
only you would photoshop your dick
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
