WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
