You made me cry and you don't even care
I cut my penus on the lid.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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