You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
