I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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