Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
