woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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