I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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