Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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