Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
