ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
