Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
