She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
