I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
