I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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