not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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