I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
