I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
