Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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