I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
