eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
