dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
