His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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