I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
