just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
