Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize