1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Its about making memories worth repressing
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
