I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
