It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
