This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
