Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
