Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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