Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
