just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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