There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
