bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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