if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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