We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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