we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My life is pants optional.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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