Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have fence marks all over my body
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
