no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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