I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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