My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
