we have pet lesbian snakes
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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