My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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