We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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