can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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