you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
