this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
