Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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