oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
