Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
