when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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