I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
