his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
