Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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