Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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