I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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