I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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