I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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