I'm eating all of the evidence.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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