True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
