what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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