You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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