Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Two words: blizzard sex
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize