this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
