It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
someone get that fucking seahorse.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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