Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
