i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
