there's paper in my vomit.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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