And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
His nipple licking is glorious
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