You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The beer is more important than you right now.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
